Things I Learned on a Saturday Afternoon at the SXSW Festival

1. If you want to go to a seminar about e-book publishing and then one about Grantland you will have to buy a pass for $1,295.

2. They may turn off the water fountains at the Austin Convention Center, and they definitely charge $3.75 for a bottle of water.

3. The man-scarf may be making a comeback.

4. People are insanely addicted to their iPhones and iPads.

5. The SXSW “volunteers” are as clueless as I am.


6. Robert Duvall is in a new movie called A Night in Old Mexico. The tagline is, “This cowboy ain’t done yet.” How can I crowdsource this thing? I need a ticket immediately.

7. Local businesses rent their storefronts to national advertisers so that you have places like the Samsung Blogger Lounge and Bates Motel by A&E.


Do bloggers really need a lounge? Won’t a parents’ basement suffice?

Bates Motel

If Norman Bates is lucky he’ll grow up to be Anthony Perkins. If he’s not it’ll be Vince Vaughn.

8. If you are an unemployed software engineer you need to move to Austin.

9. What happened to all the homeless people? Did Austin pull a Sochi? Or do they all work the night shift?

10. 3rd and 4th streets are safe but venture towards 6th and be wary….

Bars RAISE the prices for SXSW!


11. At noon, at a 6th street dive bar, you can here The Conquistadors play some pretty epic rock and blues and hear their lead singer say, while taking a shot of bottom shelf whiskey, “It’s like Saturday morning cartoons in a glass.” That is so ambiguously awesome.

12. If I see a bar that has waitresses in bikini tops am I obligated as a man to enter?

13. I am now in love with a bartender who wears a bikini top.

14. People wear their SXSW badges everywhere. It’s a total caste system. Obama needs to look into it. I want one. Damn one percenters.

15.The Conquistadors have asked for another shot. These guys really can wail.

16. I may need to invest in some nerdy glasses. They seem to attract females. If you are an unemployed software engineer you need to move to Austin.

17. Sometimes this happens…


18. How is Kansas still a projected #2 seed after their really one-sided loss to West Virginia? Andrew Wiggins is good but really is he that good?


19. A guitarist of The Conquistadors, Paul Walker, needed a smoke break mid-set so he played, quite literally, on 6th street.

20. I am now in love with a librarian. Okay not so much, just a female who works at a bar called The Library.

21. My sister, brother in law and goddaughter will pick me up, even if I yell at them for interrupting my librarian flirtation.

22. I spent a Saturday in Austin for SXSW. That’s pretty freaking awesome.

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